When there is a strong connection between two people, it’s one of the best feelings in the world. It’s like finding a diamond or an ancient treasure you’ve been searching for your whole life.
But is it true love? What is true love? What does this strong connection mean in the context of your overall life? All this and more in this post. Let’s go!
Let’s Define A Strong Connection Between Two People
You’ve probably felt this in your life, maybe multiple times throughout your life. If you’ve ever had a crush, been in a relationship, or been married, you likely believe that there is a strong connection between you and someone.
But a strong connection is all relative. One person might view their relationship as pretty “deep” while another views theirs as even deeper. Is it possible that there can be an objective strong connection between two people?
Short answer: Yes! Long answer: A strong connection only truly exists when it comes from a place of maturity, mutual respect, and is aimed towards a higher ideal.
This can only be found when both parties can be radically honest within themselves about what the other person means in their life and then discuss it with their partner to find an alignment.
For example, I am with my wife because she is aligned with my values: We both are pursuing God/Higher Power first and foremost, we both want to raise a family no matter the difficulty, we like surrounding ourselves with peaceful energy, and we are both willing to improve our flaws every single day.
On the flip side, another couple who thinks they might have a strong connection believes that they are good for each other because they have a great sex life, they both like the same movies and music, they both make good money to live the lifestyle they want, and they rarely argue.
Now, if you compare my marriage with this relationship, which one sounds objectively like a stronger connection?
If you said mine, then you’re starting to get the idea here. If you said the other, that’s okay; it doesn’t make it wrong necessarily—it just means our values are different.
I would argue, though, that a strong connection between two people can only exist when both are oriented toward the highest ideal. And what’s higher than aiming towards God or a Higher Power?
What Is Love?
Baby, don’t hurt me… unless the love isn’t true. The only REAL love that exists is true love. If the love we exhibit doesn’t contain TRUTH, then we’re confusing love with lust.
Real or true love is a caringness towards someone without needing them. Which is humorous because you look at all the romantic movies out there that show the opposite. They show an obsession between two people and state that as true love. If only these movies contained more wisdom.
Essentially, NEEDING your partner does show a strong connection, but it does not show true love. This is a prime example of attachment, and attachment repels rather than attracts.
I found in my own marriage that my wife and I argue pretty regularly. We also have no problem breaking up if one of our standards is violated. This may seem harsh, but on the contrary, being firm with our standards is what creates attraction between one another.
How can this be? How can a relationship that looks so conflict-heavy actually be strong, while one that seems perfect on the surface can be on the brink of falling apart?
The answer lies in one word: self-love.
Your Partner Will Love You When You Can Love Yourself
Now that you understand that it’s pretty common to find that individuals in relationships NEED each other rather than NON-NEED them, we can begin to understand the spiritual truths that create a strong couple.
A strong connection between two people can only exist if you love yourself. By loving yourself, you do not compromise on your values, integrity, and truth.
How does one love oneself? Another way to think about self-love is self-respect. Do you respect yourself? Do you hold yourself in high esteem? You can do a test of inner strength to see how much you actually respect and love yourself. Try this exercise:
- Sit quietly with your eyes closed.
- Ask yourself, “What is my ultimate end goal? What is my highest aim in life? Who am I trying to become at the end of my life? What am I willing to die for?”
- Once those questions are answered, acknowledge all the uncomfortable feelings and thoughts that come up. These are all weaknesses leaving the body.
- You don’t have to DO anything about them—just be aware of them in your body.
- Repeat this exercise regularly until you feel your self-esteem go up.
As your self-esteem goes up, so does your self-respect and self-love. These are all the same thing at the end of the day.
As you become someone who has self-love, you’ll begin to notice your partner actually loves you more and respects you more. They will look up to you as a leader, a teacher, and a lifetime soulmate.
Related Reading: The One Secret To A Long Lasting Marriage No One Talks About
What True Love Feels Like
What does true love feel like? Well, the simple answer: Take all the things the mainstream has told you a perfect relationship is and now imagine the opposite. That’s true love!
I’m only being slightly sarcastic. The real answer isn’t too far off. A relationship based on true love has these qualities:
- Arguing, debating, problem-solving
- Respect, caring-ness, humility
- Not taking everything so seriously
- Being able to joke about the difficulties of your relationship
- REAL-ness, and not being overly optimistic
- Being able to handle emotions independently
- Pushing each other to be better or improve
The qualities it does not have are:
- Negotiating and compromising
- Sympathy and feeling bad for one another
- Believing you’re extremely close already
- Not fighting because you think it’s not worth it
- Agreeing to disagree
- Not pointing out your partner’s shortcomings
- Opposites attract
I know—this can be extremely triggering reading this list, huh? You see, there is a very fine line between what are good qualities of a relationship and what are not-so-good qualities.
The separating line of distinction has to do with growth.
Does the quality promote growth? Then it probably is true love. Does the quality cause stagnation? Then it is not true love.
True love should feel like you are each other’s coach. If you ever played a sport and were on a team that won constantly, the one quality they always exhibited was pushing each other to be better.
Yet look at the relationships around you. Don’t they all seem like they have everything figured out—that they’re perfect for each other and have no problems at all? Red flag!
What you and your partner want is someone who strives for the highest ideal possible, a teammate or coach to pick you up when you’re down, and to help bring out your strongest qualities. You want a partner who can tell you like it is and can be real with you.
A strong connection between you two will look, on the outside, like raw bluntness, brutal honesty, and zero sugarcoating of life’s hardships—intense or even volatile at first glance. But underneath, there’s a deep ease, lightness, and playful non-seriousness that radiates from both of you.
You both come off as humble, non-braggy, and never preachy. Your life together just quietly proves itself through the results you produce.
A couple with this strong bond knows each other deeply because they’ve faced hardship together. They can look at each other with a slight, confident grin (not goo-goo eyes), knowing they’ve found the one to take on life’s tough journey with.
This is true relational maturity. This is True Love.
Related: How Long Does The Honeymoon Phase Last In Dating? Then What?