There is a human need for recognition. You know, that feeling of having others respect you, love you, want you, praise you, reward you, etc. This need has been around since the dawn of mankind, built into our psyche and natural instincts in order to help us survive.
Simply put, getting others to like us ensures our survival within the community, society, and world. It signals to us and others that we are a contribution to the collective whole.
However, there is a major problem with this need to be acknowledged, and it doesn’t come from how others treat you; rather, it comes from within our very own consciousness. In this post, you’ll learn how to overcome the need for recognition and put an end to people-pleasing behavior, resulting in a more grounded and fulfilling life.
Why Is Recognition Important?
Do you ever wonder what your life would look like if no one recognized your achievements? No? Well, let me tell you. It wouldn’t look like much of a life at all.
Recognizing someone’s achievements and accomplishments is very Pavlovian in nature; you feel good when you are rewarded. These rewards shape our behavior. If you are rewarded when you do something good, you will feel good, and in response will continue that good behavior.
On the flip side, if you do something good and are not rewarded for it, that good behavior is less likely to continue. This recognition is the very thing that shapes our behaviors and ultimately our values and understanding of the world.
Common Ways To Receive Recognition
If we look back on our lives, we can see a myriad of ways our behaviors were shaped. These are the most common ways we received recognition from our parents, teachers, bosses, and peers:
- Verbal praise – hearing words of appreciation like “thank you” or “great job.”
- Public acknowledgment – being recognized in front of a group, such as in meetings or family gatherings.
- Written appreciation – notes, emails, or messages that express gratitude.
- Tangible rewards – bonuses, gifts, promotions, or other material symbols of value.
- Quality time and attention – when someone genuinely listens and makes you feel seen.
- Acts of service – thoughtful gestures that show gratitude without words.
- Opportunities – being trusted with new responsibilities, projects, or leadership roles.
- Affection and connection – physical gestures like hugs, smiles, or supportive touch.
These were the very things that signaled to us right from wrong, do this, not that, and what leads to achievement, not failure.
We were shaped to fit in to society and become a functioning member contributing to the collective survival.
That’s all fine and dandy. It’s a good thing to be a functioning member of society, but when this need of recognition gets hijacked by our emotions, it creates a craving that can actually have the opposite effect.
The Slippery Slope To Seeking Recognition
We see this all the time. How many people have had a coworker that was doing everything they possibly could to achieve success?
They do things like stay late after work, write an excessive amount of wordy reports and emails hoping someone will see the effort, or they constantly look for opportunities to openly speak about their workplace wins.
What typically happens when trying to force an outcome and seek the approval from others is they attract the opposite result: Being put down for their outspokenness, stripped of awards or titles, fired from their job, being ostracized from the group, etc.
Most people’s egos can sense when someone is overtly trying to pull ahead—striving to make more money, garner more attention, pursue more accolades, or rise to the top of the social hierarchy.
This can trigger competition and resistance from the collective, and in some cases, make it difficult for you to reach your goals. In the worst situations, others may try to undermine or shun you from your community, job, or social circle.
However, for the spiritual aspirant, being ostracized from family, friends, and in-groups may present some opportunity. See: Moving Away From Family Is Sometimes The Answer You Need
You see, everyone’s ego wants to win, and when people see others winning and flaunting it, those who are succeeding can become targets to bring down. Do you really think everyone will just roll over, belly up, and let you progress in your life while they don’t? Do you really think they’ll support your success over their own? It simply won’t happen.
This is what is happening underneath the surface, in consciousness, when someone is striving for accomplishment.
The Need For Validation Stems From Inner Disapproval
Okay, so we identified that the need for recognition can be a problem if sought out intentionally. It still doesn’t answer the main question as to why we humans have this habit.
We seek validation, acknowledgment, and recognition because we don’t approve of ourselves.
Think about it, most of our actions are dedicated to gain something from someone or to feed our own egotistical pursuits. We never dedicate an action to something simply because we enjoy taking action and putting in effort.
If we approve of ourselves, who we are, and what we do, then there is no need to look externally for rewards. The reward then becomes the action itself.
Internally you begin to feel “whole” or “content.” The seeking is over, now all that is left to do is create for the sake of creating. You’ve made the switch from being a consumer to a creator.
Your Own Approval Is All You Need
At my jobs, all I cared about was doing my job with as little stress as possible. I didn’t want any attention on me. I was far too occupied trying to solve spiritual problems within to exert mental effort into worrying about my career achievements or others’ opinions of me.
Related Reading: It’s Time To Be Your Own Person And Solve Problems
How has that worked out for me? Well, my whole working career has been a constant flow of spontaneous acknowledgments from peers and bosses; leading to raises, promotions, and opportunities I never actively chased.
How did I accomplish this?
I don’t seek out achievements, I just do whatever the task is at hand without resistance. Sometimes I don’t even put in that much effort. A lot of the time, I focus on using minimal mental energy while trying to produce the highest ROI possible. In other words, I look for ways to exert very little while accomplishing a lot.
This isn’t laziness, rather, I discovered that by keeping things simple, work and effort become much easier while also producing better results.
Once you approve of yourself, and take action that YOU deem is sufficient to YOUR highest standards, then God or a Higher Power rewards you with more automatically.
Actionable Takeaways to overcome the need for Recognition
- Identify and accept validation-seeking behavior internally.
- Acknowledge that no amount of external success or recognition from others will provide the fulfillment you desire.
- Hold yourself to higher standards and seek your own approval.
- Dedicate every action and work that you do to God/Higher Power.
- Let go of all outcomes and results; only focus on the effort.
Seek Internal Evolution, Let The External Take Care of Itself
As I mentioned before, people do not like when they see others trying to pull ahead in life externally. It is much wiser to seek internal evolution. In doing so, you uplift others rather than make them jealous. (Just be careful not to develop a spiritual ego and brag to others about how spiritually evolved you are).
If you follow these takeaways, not only will God provide for you, but you will gain a sense of inner fulfillment. The best way I can describe this feeling is to imagine your soul is like a child, and as you evolve it by holding yourself to spiritual principles, it eventually becomes a secure wise adult.
The journey of life is never about striving towards achievement, beating your competition, or acquiring wealth and assets, rather it’s about evolving your consciousness to its ultimate potential.
It is there that the need for recognition dissolves. The journey and the destination become one in a state of enlightenment.
Related: All Roads Lead To God But Only If You’re Truly Seeking Him